It's amazing how often life imitates art(ifice). I was thinking about the ridiculous conversation between an American man and his American mistress while we were all having dinner in a tiny restaurant in Paris's 6th.
How much it reminded me of the months-later email conversation between my husband and his mistress, with her psychologizing about what a narcissist I am, how I do not realize what a Great Man he is, and -- worse -- how I have stood in the way of his accomplishing Great Works and his Destiny (which only her embrace can change for the better).
The couple in the bar were hysterically funny, particularly to me and my ten year old daughter, and even to 16 year old son. We couldn't believe how ridiculous they sounded, swilling back wine, she drunkenly defending their relationship, and earnestly psycho-analyzing the predicament of wife clinging to errant husband (judging by my own feelings, I suspect NOT), and he trying to keep his head above water, because her line of reasoning was so confusing.
Of course at the time I knew nothing of dear-husband's affairs of the heart. But looking back, it makes me wonder if these philanderers realize how predictable and silly they sound, so that even a ten year old girl snickers?
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
easy, healthy soup
I'm known in my family for my salads and soups. In fact, I could live on the two food groups if my kids weren't constantly wrangling for meat, french fries, and cookies.
Here's a very simple soup I made last week for friends:
Three or four whole carrots, peeled and cut in half
one potato, peeled
two parsnips, peeled
thinly sliced onions
tbsp or two of flour
some leftover wine
a packet of chicken or veg boullion
saute onions in a little olive oil, and when transparent add the flour, to thicken. when mixed, add some wine and stir til a thick paste. Then fill the pot three quarters with water, add vegetables, and simmer for 45 minutes or so, until the veg are soft.
Allow to cool, remove veg (reserve liquid in pot), puree in blender, then return veg to pot. Add chicken boullion. before serving, add some heavy cream (or evaporated milk) and you can also add a dash of nutmeg or cinnamon.
So easy.
Here's a very simple soup I made last week for friends:
Three or four whole carrots, peeled and cut in half
one potato, peeled
two parsnips, peeled
thinly sliced onions
tbsp or two of flour
some leftover wine
a packet of chicken or veg boullion
saute onions in a little olive oil, and when transparent add the flour, to thicken. when mixed, add some wine and stir til a thick paste. Then fill the pot three quarters with water, add vegetables, and simmer for 45 minutes or so, until the veg are soft.
Allow to cool, remove veg (reserve liquid in pot), puree in blender, then return veg to pot. Add chicken boullion. before serving, add some heavy cream (or evaporated milk) and you can also add a dash of nutmeg or cinnamon.
So easy.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
heaalthy recycling
My very thin six-foot-three-inch son has a secret stash of food. Unbeknownst to me -- even though I've been trying to get him to take more food for lunch -- he only has a sandwich and drink currently. I just found out from his girly friend that he eats that sandwich by first period, then scrounges everyone else's lunch for more food. When I asked him about it, mortified that my kid is scrounging, especially since I've been urging him to take more, he said it's no big deal, he's recycling!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
thrifty diversions
Nothing like a little shopping fantasy to take your mind off more troubling things, like errant husbands, and distressed children. Especially when it's done on the cheap!
I've often wondered if thrift is a chromosomal trait -- as in the absent Y -- or if it's a genetic, inherited trait. Frugality ran in my family -- five girls -- but it skipped our brother. On the other hand, it also skipped his wife, who spends scads of dough on matronly clothing that she'll be able to wear til she's 80.
My 10 year old daughter is now asking to go to Valu Village when she's in the mood for a little something new, and I happily oblige. She told me the other day that her friend Megan bought a sweater from lulu Lemon, and she cried in alarm: "Mom, it's ridiculous to spend $185 for a sweater when you get one at VV for $6."
That's my girl. Now if only I could get her brother in there, we'd be all set.
I just happened on two fantastic websites:
http://www.svaerqueen.com/ and http://www.thriftychicks.com/ both of which recommend thrift shopping for birthday and Christmas gifts, as long as the item has been carefully and specifically chosen for a particular person, and it's good value and in very good shape.
Sounds good to me. Maybe I can get Dear Daughter to host a VV party -- for her birthday even and they all get to shop til they drop.
I've often wondered if thrift is a chromosomal trait -- as in the absent Y -- or if it's a genetic, inherited trait. Frugality ran in my family -- five girls -- but it skipped our brother. On the other hand, it also skipped his wife, who spends scads of dough on matronly clothing that she'll be able to wear til she's 80.
My 10 year old daughter is now asking to go to Valu Village when she's in the mood for a little something new, and I happily oblige. She told me the other day that her friend Megan bought a sweater from lulu Lemon, and she cried in alarm: "Mom, it's ridiculous to spend $185 for a sweater when you get one at VV for $6."
That's my girl. Now if only I could get her brother in there, we'd be all set.
I just happened on two fantastic websites:
http://www.svaerqueen.com/ and http://www.thriftychicks.com/ both of which recommend thrift shopping for birthday and Christmas gifts, as long as the item has been carefully and specifically chosen for a particular person, and it's good value and in very good shape.
Sounds good to me. Maybe I can get Dear Daughter to host a VV party -- for her birthday even and they all get to shop til they drop.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
and then again...
No sooner did I finish my last post, but this came to my inbox from Christian quotation of the day,and humbled me. I must have more patience, and forebearance, just as the Lord has done with me:
Lord Jesus Christ! A whole life long didst thou suffer that I too might be saved; and yet thy suffering is not yet at an end; but this too wilt thou endure, saving and redeeming me, this patient suffering of having to do with me, I who so often go astray from the right path, or even when I remained on the straight path stumbled along it or crept so slowly along the right path. Infinite patience, suffering of infinite patience. How many times have I not been impatient, wished to give up and forsake everything; wished to take the terribly easy way out, despair: but thou didst not lose patience. Oh, I cannot say what thy chosen servant says: that he filled up that which is behind of the afflictions of Christ in his flesh; no, I can only say that I increased thy sufferings, added new ones to those which thou didst once suffer in order to save me. ... Søren Kierkegaard (1813-1855), Journals,
Lord Jesus Christ! A whole life long didst thou suffer that I too might be saved; and yet thy suffering is not yet at an end; but this too wilt thou endure, saving and redeeming me, this patient suffering of having to do with me, I who so often go astray from the right path, or even when I remained on the straight path stumbled along it or crept so slowly along the right path. Infinite patience, suffering of infinite patience. How many times have I not been impatient, wished to give up and forsake everything; wished to take the terribly easy way out, despair: but thou didst not lose patience. Oh, I cannot say what thy chosen servant says: that he filled up that which is behind of the afflictions of Christ in his flesh; no, I can only say that I increased thy sufferings, added new ones to those which thou didst once suffer in order to save me. ... Søren Kierkegaard (1813-1855), Journals,
Swells of Anger, troughs of pain
Dealing with anger again. What's it telling me? Angry about the continued lying to the world about his secret life behind the mask, angry about the dismissive attitude -- oh well, we just weren't suited (it took you 23 years to figure that out, or was it because you couldn't find the laundromat?). I wonder if what I'm really angry about is that it tells the world that I somehow was unsuitable, something less than worthy.
But it's more than that, I think, even though I am as weak in succumbing to my ego as the next person. It's the way the world dismisses vows, and commitments, especially those you make on behalf of the weaker -- our children. For all their sophistication, our children are fragile. And yet they're also strong. Maybe this will make them stronger, maybe it will shatter my daughter's chances for a good marriage, if she pursues life with a man who is as spiritually and psychologically unformed as her dad. Who can my son look up to now -- he has declared that his dad is no longer a role model. His dad gave up all that, because of something he thought might bring him happiness? Even the kids are smarter than that -- my daughter "got" the message of Where the Wild Things Are (you can't run away from your problems).
Met with a friend yesterday, and he says I should be relieved that he's gone, given what I now know. It was hard to explain to him that separation and divorce goes against everything I believe in, even while intellectually I know this is better now (does it bother me to admit that Tom was right -- this was a bad marriage? or because I don't get the opportunity to shout out that it's bad because he is ill and has no morals?).
But I also realize I'm doing exactly what my parents did -- my narcissistic mother, riddled with hypochrondria and sleeping pills, ranting to the skies about her horrible children, and my father allowing it to happen. (Even for all that, I'm healthier than my husband because I admit whereas he cannot be honest.)
But like my parents -- mother wrapped up in her navel and dad bound tightly to her illness --I'm wondering if I'm ignoring my children in order to obsess on the whys and wherefores of my h's behaviour. They need me focused on them, present, loving, fun and stable. I never thought I'd say this about my husband, but he's just not stable, and I was blind to not see it before.
Not exactly my most cogent post, but there you have it.
But it's more than that, I think, even though I am as weak in succumbing to my ego as the next person. It's the way the world dismisses vows, and commitments, especially those you make on behalf of the weaker -- our children. For all their sophistication, our children are fragile. And yet they're also strong. Maybe this will make them stronger, maybe it will shatter my daughter's chances for a good marriage, if she pursues life with a man who is as spiritually and psychologically unformed as her dad. Who can my son look up to now -- he has declared that his dad is no longer a role model. His dad gave up all that, because of something he thought might bring him happiness? Even the kids are smarter than that -- my daughter "got" the message of Where the Wild Things Are (you can't run away from your problems).
Met with a friend yesterday, and he says I should be relieved that he's gone, given what I now know. It was hard to explain to him that separation and divorce goes against everything I believe in, even while intellectually I know this is better now (does it bother me to admit that Tom was right -- this was a bad marriage? or because I don't get the opportunity to shout out that it's bad because he is ill and has no morals?).
But I also realize I'm doing exactly what my parents did -- my narcissistic mother, riddled with hypochrondria and sleeping pills, ranting to the skies about her horrible children, and my father allowing it to happen. (Even for all that, I'm healthier than my husband because I admit whereas he cannot be honest.)
But like my parents -- mother wrapped up in her navel and dad bound tightly to her illness --I'm wondering if I'm ignoring my children in order to obsess on the whys and wherefores of my h's behaviour. They need me focused on them, present, loving, fun and stable. I never thought I'd say this about my husband, but he's just not stable, and I was blind to not see it before.
Not exactly my most cogent post, but there you have it.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Living in the Light, radiating the Light
This journey of mine is an amazing testament to God's grace, because of the unbelievable number of Christian women He has set up along my path. I feel protected, upheld, and for once in my life worthwhile as in worth fighting for.
Last night as I lay awake for an hour or so (which I do most nights, wrestling with all this), I started having vivid memories of my relationship with my mother, and with others for whom I take on care for. That itself is a retreat from reality -- assuming I'm not worth caring about, and am only there to hold up others. But it'salso about not being willing to enter into that whole commitment thing that will allow me to accept care.
Being a researcher, I am one who relies on info from numerous sources before coming to a conclusion. I am trying to rely more on God alone, but He knows how I operate and knows how best to get me to listen. So He sends several women I trust and they give their two cents, which amounts to a goldmine (or should that be coppermine?).
The consistent message is that God wants me to live whole, which requires a transformed mind, heart and soul. I must move forward, like a butterfly wiggling out of its cocoon. Those around you who are mired in quicksand cause trouble when they attempt to pull others in with them. Being centred in Christ prevents falling into that quicksand with them. Being centred on God opens you to a renewal of the mind that proves the will of God in what's good, acceptable and pure.
Devotions point me forward too: 2 Corinthians, chapter 11, getting sucked in by smooth talking. In my case this isn't the snake oil salesman type, but a cool rational mind embodied by a responsible "family" man guy (who was living a secret life). St Paul talks about this sham -- especially relevant too the Corinthians with their rational Greek understanding of life and reality.
I happily bellied up to the bar of satisfaction, just like the Samaritan woman. I traded in the hard way for the easy way so many years ago, thinking that it was a breeze, paws off, Lord, I can handle this, and I am now paying for it. These are the wages of disobedience, and I can't let myself off the hook.
So, I could spend a lot of time looking backward, and worrying about my kids. OR, I can look forward and up, live a whole and satisfying life in the Lord, rejoicing in his abundance of gifts to me, and trusting that He will lead the way, that He can fix things.
I CANNOT fix things, no-how, no-way, no matter how "good" and pleasing I make myself, no matter how I try to meet other's needs. But I CAN live according to Him, by radiating His light. That only happens when we are securely fixed on Him.
Last night as I lay awake for an hour or so (which I do most nights, wrestling with all this), I started having vivid memories of my relationship with my mother, and with others for whom I take on care for. That itself is a retreat from reality -- assuming I'm not worth caring about, and am only there to hold up others. But it'salso about not being willing to enter into that whole commitment thing that will allow me to accept care.
Being a researcher, I am one who relies on info from numerous sources before coming to a conclusion. I am trying to rely more on God alone, but He knows how I operate and knows how best to get me to listen. So He sends several women I trust and they give their two cents, which amounts to a goldmine (or should that be coppermine?).
The consistent message is that God wants me to live whole, which requires a transformed mind, heart and soul. I must move forward, like a butterfly wiggling out of its cocoon. Those around you who are mired in quicksand cause trouble when they attempt to pull others in with them. Being centred in Christ prevents falling into that quicksand with them. Being centred on God opens you to a renewal of the mind that proves the will of God in what's good, acceptable and pure.
Devotions point me forward too: 2 Corinthians, chapter 11, getting sucked in by smooth talking. In my case this isn't the snake oil salesman type, but a cool rational mind embodied by a responsible "family" man guy (who was living a secret life). St Paul talks about this sham -- especially relevant too the Corinthians with their rational Greek understanding of life and reality.
I happily bellied up to the bar of satisfaction, just like the Samaritan woman. I traded in the hard way for the easy way so many years ago, thinking that it was a breeze, paws off, Lord, I can handle this, and I am now paying for it. These are the wages of disobedience, and I can't let myself off the hook.
So, I could spend a lot of time looking backward, and worrying about my kids. OR, I can look forward and up, live a whole and satisfying life in the Lord, rejoicing in his abundance of gifts to me, and trusting that He will lead the way, that He can fix things.
I CANNOT fix things, no-how, no-way, no matter how "good" and pleasing I make myself, no matter how I try to meet other's needs. But I CAN live according to Him, by radiating His light. That only happens when we are securely fixed on Him.
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