Tuesday, September 07, 2010

One Year Later...Single parenting Life Marches On

I won't even comment on the length of time it's been since I last posted on this thing -- let's just say the summer was busy and leave it at that.

But today, the first day of school, marks one year since my DH announced, for good this time, that he was finally leaving. Thanks to having heard this before (for the last 12 years in fact), and having already undergone the devastation, panic, bereavement, anxiety, and so on that accompanies the breaking of this relationship, covenant really, I have really had not a bad year of it. In fact, it's become a way of life finally, which is probably what the greatest difficulty was originally. That's not to say that I recommend it -- divorce tears children's lives aparts in ways we never really appreciate until long after the deed is done (studies show that the biggest impact of divorce comes when the children go to marry themselves, and 70% of those marriages end in divorce). And so, your job description as a parent becomes different, more challenging, but in some ways more rewarding. It forces you, if you're like me at least, to really study productive and beneficial ways of going forward.

I personally feel a whole lot better than I did a year ago. I no longer have to look over my shoulder wondering when he's going to fall in love with someone else, have an affair, or threaten to leave. I no longer have to feel second best, wonder what I did to displease him, or accept the few crumbs tossed my way. Thank heaven I had the ten years to adjust to the idea that he really isn't all that into me, doesn't like me, and doesn't want to be here. I get it now. It's really nice not to feel that way anymore -- though SHE will, eventually. It's just the way he is.

My relationship with my children is better than it ever was (with no one behind my back trying to poison it), and I get the whole bed to myself. I can sing when I want to. And now I actually want to.