With a 14 year old son in residence, we've been up, down and sideways on this video gaming subject in our house. We tried to resist as long as possible (though what exactly that means is that we're as weak as jellyfish), and we've denied certain games (with ritual torture, women and authority bashing like Halo), but we've allowed others (like Solid Gear Metal Honor, or something like that).
We've tried to impose daily limits -- an hour and a half on weekdays, and 3 hours on weekends -- but no one had the ability to monitor this closely. We tried no screen on weekdays, and unlimited on weekends, but that fell by the wayside, because both of us work from home and we're still at our computers when sunny-boy comes home. And since I don't have much replacement activity, I can't very well say he can't plop down in front of the tube and watch.
When he saved up his own money and purchased the PS3 last summer, just as school was winding down, he sat tethered to it for two solid weeks. At first, Teenboy seemed a little quiet, and certainly kept to himself. Then he seemed isolated. And by the second week, he was rude, angry, impatient, obsessed with the game, and completely cut off from us and his friends. He didn't step foot outside, and we had fight after fight over the thing.
Then a magic and wonderful thing happened -- he went to Pioneer Camp for two weeks, which was just long enough to break the addiction, and to return him home in a semi-normal, semi-pleasant state. Then the cycle started again.
I've talked to him about addictions, and he admits it is one. I've given him stats: teens need 9 hours of sleep and for every lost hour the IQ goes down by 8 points; for every 15 hours of screentime, your IQ goes down 10-15 points (not sure if you could quote me on those numbers, tho); after six hours of video games, the academic ability is negatively affected, but it's not the same for TV. Because with the teen brain developments, and the brain adapting to what it's learning, what they are doing is developing very good brains for playing video games but not other, higher function things. I've told him all this, and the best he could do was promise to keep video games to six hours a week, and then unlimited TV time.
And his father thought this was a good plan! No wonder I'm fighting a losing battle. I agreed to try it for a week or two, and then revisit the plan.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
The Diet of Real Food
Since it's January, and we're all gung-ho on being healthier, you can see a lot of ink spilled over the latest diets, so it was with great interest -- and a whole lot of relief -- that I spotted a review of two books on food, telling us, basically, that we need to eat food.
Duh, you say, of course we eat food. But these books, The Myths, Misconceptions and Truths about the Foods We Eat, by Joe Schwarcz and In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto, by Michael Pollan, are loudly proclaiming that all these latest fad diets of super-omega-3-rich diets, and so on with their obsessive calculations of carbs, versus proteins, versus calories, and so on are not to be listened to.
Hallelujah is all I can say! They're basically saying get a wide variety of fruits and veg, and avoid the next greatest mega-whatever that comes around the bend. The reviewer says "nutritional science is essentially about as advanced as nuclear physics was in pre-industrial Europe."
Duh, you say, of course we eat food. But these books, The Myths, Misconceptions and Truths about the Foods We Eat, by Joe Schwarcz and In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto, by Michael Pollan, are loudly proclaiming that all these latest fad diets of super-omega-3-rich diets, and so on with their obsessive calculations of carbs, versus proteins, versus calories, and so on are not to be listened to.
Hallelujah is all I can say! They're basically saying get a wide variety of fruits and veg, and avoid the next greatest mega-whatever that comes around the bend. The reviewer says "nutritional science is essentially about as advanced as nuclear physics was in pre-industrial Europe."
Monday, January 07, 2008
Out of the Mouths of Babes
I may have posted this at some point already, but given I'm so forgetful these days -- mid-life hormones and overwork I'm betting -- I'll just post it again, cuz it's cute.
It was probably last year sometime, but my daughter (now 8) was outside on the porch and my husband, who happened by the open screen door, saw her looking up at the sky and saying: God? Where are you? Are you there? God? Gawd? Where are you?
A week or so before then, she and her dad were having a conversation about Joseph -- who he was. Her dad said he was Jesus' father, and Anna said no, that God was Jesus father. So her dad explained that he meant Joseph was the earthly father. And Anna said no God was that too. Then she said to him: You don't know these things, Daddy. You don't know Jesus. You used to know Jesus when you were a child, but you don't know him now.
She's also a nag! A while later, she asked (on the way to church) why Daddy didn't go to church, and when I said it's because he doesn't believe in God, she was shocked. "Whaaaat? He doesn't believe in God? How could you NOT believe in God?!?! He's EVERYWHERE!!!! He's in the car, beside me, he's outside, he's on the sidewalk, in the trees, in heaven,........"
And then when we got home, she asked her dad point-blank why he didn't believe in God and he told her because he didn't believe in God, which started up the hue and cry anew.
It was probably last year sometime, but my daughter (now 8) was outside on the porch and my husband, who happened by the open screen door, saw her looking up at the sky and saying: God? Where are you? Are you there? God? Gawd? Where are you?
A week or so before then, she and her dad were having a conversation about Joseph -- who he was. Her dad said he was Jesus' father, and Anna said no, that God was Jesus father. So her dad explained that he meant Joseph was the earthly father. And Anna said no God was that too. Then she said to him: You don't know these things, Daddy. You don't know Jesus. You used to know Jesus when you were a child, but you don't know him now.
She's also a nag! A while later, she asked (on the way to church) why Daddy didn't go to church, and when I said it's because he doesn't believe in God, she was shocked. "Whaaaat? He doesn't believe in God? How could you NOT believe in God?!?! He's EVERYWHERE!!!! He's in the car, beside me, he's outside, he's on the sidewalk, in the trees, in heaven,........"
And then when we got home, she asked her dad point-blank why he didn't believe in God and he told her because he didn't believe in God, which started up the hue and cry anew.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Pullman's latest books
There was an interview with Philip Pullman in the paper today, since he spoke last night at the university of Toronto. His books are bestsellers, not too far behind the Potter series. But Christians have a problem with them because of their anti-church slant. Pullman is a confessed atheist, and I remember when my husband was reading the Golden Compass to our son and I was half listening, I remember feeling alarmed over some of the passages, and that was before I'd heard any criticism of the series.
Yes, it alarms me that there's a growing fascination for darkness, and yes it alarms me that Christian children are being fed a steady diet of the most subtle things that pull in other directions. But it's also interesting that kids -- and adults -- are fascinated by the sheer power of evil and the absolute power of goodness to overcome it. Maybe this speaks to what we in the church have done with the scary events of the Old Testament -- with battles, and visions, and vengeance and exile.
Why is the church ignoring the full range of human emotion and actions in its efforts to be nice, and good guys? The result is a church rendered lifeless, bloodless and ineffectual. Maybe we could take a few lessons from Pullman's book, instead of denying their power.
Yes, it alarms me that there's a growing fascination for darkness, and yes it alarms me that Christian children are being fed a steady diet of the most subtle things that pull in other directions. But it's also interesting that kids -- and adults -- are fascinated by the sheer power of evil and the absolute power of goodness to overcome it. Maybe this speaks to what we in the church have done with the scary events of the Old Testament -- with battles, and visions, and vengeance and exile.
Why is the church ignoring the full range of human emotion and actions in its efforts to be nice, and good guys? The result is a church rendered lifeless, bloodless and ineffectual. Maybe we could take a few lessons from Pullman's book, instead of denying their power.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
The Battle of the wills
Trying to curtail your teenager's screen time is a little like living through some of the Old Testament prophets and their times. I've been through Jeremiah, Lamentations, Daniel and now Hosea -- just for a little light reading.
Ironically, the notebook I use to jot down thoughts from my daily devotions used to belong to my teenager when he was little -- it started life as a "war" book, and the first page is a highly detailed battle scene, with tanks, and stick figures holding on to their helmets, sandbags and barbed wire.
Appropriate, I'd say. Most days, it feels like charging the ramparts in a tank, or at the very least wearing a pith helmet, scrambling up sandbags, scaling barbed wire, and blasting the enemy media crap with both barrels.
Sadly, the battle imagery is just that -- imagery. You can't use it for real, because it won't get you anywhere. But reason doesn't work either. I'm finding it has to be replacement strategies, just like you did with your two-year-old -- "oh look Timmy there's a bulldozer over there" while you hastily snatch the bag of candies out of reach.
Except teenagers are a lot quicker than toddlers, and a lot more ornery when you tangle with them.
So, instead, we use "incentives" -- cuz money talks.
Ironically, the notebook I use to jot down thoughts from my daily devotions used to belong to my teenager when he was little -- it started life as a "war" book, and the first page is a highly detailed battle scene, with tanks, and stick figures holding on to their helmets, sandbags and barbed wire.
Appropriate, I'd say. Most days, it feels like charging the ramparts in a tank, or at the very least wearing a pith helmet, scrambling up sandbags, scaling barbed wire, and blasting the enemy media crap with both barrels.
Sadly, the battle imagery is just that -- imagery. You can't use it for real, because it won't get you anywhere. But reason doesn't work either. I'm finding it has to be replacement strategies, just like you did with your two-year-old -- "oh look Timmy there's a bulldozer over there" while you hastily snatch the bag of candies out of reach.
Except teenagers are a lot quicker than toddlers, and a lot more ornery when you tangle with them.
So, instead, we use "incentives" -- cuz money talks.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
I Married an Unbeliever...
A little over 20 years ago, I met a lovely man with all sorts of good ethics and honesty, but when he told me he was very anti-church and anti-Christian, I merely shrugged it off, secretly thinking that one day, one day..... I would change him!
Oops. Two decades later, and he's no closer to becoming a Christian, and I have to rethink what this means, especially with kids.
I've concluded the following:
1) badgering someone to become a Christian, whether he's your husband or the stranger on the bus, doesn't work
2) try to remember all the good things your spouse does, because good is of God. (and praise him or her for it!)
3) dump the moral superiority -- we've got nothing to be superior about. God forgave us (and continues to forgive us) when he died on the cross, and we continue to let him down.
4) don't barricade yourself into a tight little Christian group that your spouse has no way of joining -- when you entertain, mix things up and add a few non-Christian faces.
5) try to avoid being gleeful when something he'd done that is clearly non-Christian ends up failing
6) pray ceaselessly -- it worked for St Monica (whose son was St Augustine)
7) do not think leaving the marriage will make you happier -- even two Christians on the same page will find plenty to argue about
8) act with grace (love), speak with truth (boundaries, limits, etc.) at all times (at least when you're not tempted to lose your temper)
9) Jesus never talked about being a Christian in his parables, but he spoke lots about becoming fully human, and a little more divine by giving to the poor, treating your neighbour with compassion, planting good seeds, and so on
What about the kids?
For spiritually single women like me, the findings of recent studies on church attendance are grim. Although the numbers vary according to the study, it was found that when both parents take children to church, as much as 75 percent become attenders; if dads only take kids to church, that drops to 55 percent, but when it’s only the moms taking them, the percentage plummets to a mere 15 percent.
However, I’m not one to give up hope – and here’s why:
-- studies show that children derive their image of God from their fathers – since my husband is gentle, nurturing and ethical, I’m banking that they will continue to see God in a similar light
-- I try to be an informed Christian, so I can talk to my children about their faith as it relates to culture, helping them to discern difficult moral and spiritual issues
-- We attend a vibrant church, filled with children and youth, and alive with the Holy Spirit; I want my children interacting with real people who are Christian – caring, smart, holy, and fun
-- I send them to summer camp to nurture their connection to God’s created world and to a Christian community
-- I pray – a lot – to keep my relationship with God strong, and to ask on behalf of my children (and my husband) that they will come to know and love the Lord
Oops. Two decades later, and he's no closer to becoming a Christian, and I have to rethink what this means, especially with kids.
I've concluded the following:
1) badgering someone to become a Christian, whether he's your husband or the stranger on the bus, doesn't work
2) try to remember all the good things your spouse does, because good is of God. (and praise him or her for it!)
3) dump the moral superiority -- we've got nothing to be superior about. God forgave us (and continues to forgive us) when he died on the cross, and we continue to let him down.
4) don't barricade yourself into a tight little Christian group that your spouse has no way of joining -- when you entertain, mix things up and add a few non-Christian faces.
5) try to avoid being gleeful when something he'd done that is clearly non-Christian ends up failing
6) pray ceaselessly -- it worked for St Monica (whose son was St Augustine)
7) do not think leaving the marriage will make you happier -- even two Christians on the same page will find plenty to argue about
8) act with grace (love), speak with truth (boundaries, limits, etc.) at all times (at least when you're not tempted to lose your temper)
9) Jesus never talked about being a Christian in his parables, but he spoke lots about becoming fully human, and a little more divine by giving to the poor, treating your neighbour with compassion, planting good seeds, and so on
What about the kids?
For spiritually single women like me, the findings of recent studies on church attendance are grim. Although the numbers vary according to the study, it was found that when both parents take children to church, as much as 75 percent become attenders; if dads only take kids to church, that drops to 55 percent, but when it’s only the moms taking them, the percentage plummets to a mere 15 percent.
However, I’m not one to give up hope – and here’s why:
-- studies show that children derive their image of God from their fathers – since my husband is gentle, nurturing and ethical, I’m banking that they will continue to see God in a similar light
-- I try to be an informed Christian, so I can talk to my children about their faith as it relates to culture, helping them to discern difficult moral and spiritual issues
-- We attend a vibrant church, filled with children and youth, and alive with the Holy Spirit; I want my children interacting with real people who are Christian – caring, smart, holy, and fun
-- I send them to summer camp to nurture their connection to God’s created world and to a Christian community
-- I pray – a lot – to keep my relationship with God strong, and to ask on behalf of my children (and my husband) that they will come to know and love the Lord
In the Interests of Time
If you're a mom like me, time is usually in short supply, and yet we always want to feel as though we're giving our families the best part of ourselves. For some reason, we also believe that means making homemade bread and canning our own tomatoes.
Well, ladies, let me tell you. The tomatoes you can are no fresh (and possibly less so) than the ones you buy in the can. So instead of spending all that time canning your tomatoes, buy them and use the time to spend doing something fun with your kids, or spouse. (Now, if your idea of fun with the kids is canning tomatoes, be my guest.)
And to save even more time, here's a great recipe for making homemade tomato sauce that's delicious, fresh and so fast you'll feel like a no-stress mama.
Put 2-3 tbsp olive oil in a pot, add razor thin slices from about half a medium onion, a teaspoon of red pepper flakes, two cloves garlic minced (or larger if you're rushed), and a few leaves of dry basil, crushed. Heat that for a few minutes on low, til the onion gets clear. Add about 1/2 cup wine (optional), cook a minute or so. Then add a 28-oz can of tomatoes, then fill can about 1/3, swish around to get the tomato bits, and add to the pot. Cook on medium to low for about 30-40 minutes. (You can also add half a large carrot, grated for extra flavour, but it's optional.)
TIP: Make double the amount, and you have extra for chili, lasagna, or hot lunches.
Well, ladies, let me tell you. The tomatoes you can are no fresh (and possibly less so) than the ones you buy in the can. So instead of spending all that time canning your tomatoes, buy them and use the time to spend doing something fun with your kids, or spouse. (Now, if your idea of fun with the kids is canning tomatoes, be my guest.)
And to save even more time, here's a great recipe for making homemade tomato sauce that's delicious, fresh and so fast you'll feel like a no-stress mama.
Put 2-3 tbsp olive oil in a pot, add razor thin slices from about half a medium onion, a teaspoon of red pepper flakes, two cloves garlic minced (or larger if you're rushed), and a few leaves of dry basil, crushed. Heat that for a few minutes on low, til the onion gets clear. Add about 1/2 cup wine (optional), cook a minute or so. Then add a 28-oz can of tomatoes, then fill can about 1/3, swish around to get the tomato bits, and add to the pot. Cook on medium to low for about 30-40 minutes. (You can also add half a large carrot, grated for extra flavour, but it's optional.)
TIP: Make double the amount, and you have extra for chili, lasagna, or hot lunches.
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