Thursday, November 12, 2009

Anger and more Anger

The temptation to rage, and to hate is very strong in this sitch. The only way I can talk myself off that ledge is to let God talk me off it, by reading Bible and praying.

What I am angry about:
- the way my kids are hurt and angry, and desperate to change the situation and bring daddy home; and the oblivion on dad's part that "everything's ok" because they're talking to him
- being shoved to the side, after being the supportive wife for so many years
- the dissing of this marriage as "bad" -- or worse, to have him say it's "nobody's fault, we just shouldn't be married"
- to hear my son saying he feels in the middle, no matter that I refrain from saying anything negative about his dad, or to hear him saying he doesn't want to talk about this
- to hear my daughter relate a conversation with her dad: Daddy, I don't want you to get married. Well, A, you don't know what the future holds. But Daddy, I don't want step sisters and brothers. Well, A, I can't guarantee that. Daddy, will you promise me that before you propose, you'll tell me? Yes, A, I can promise you that. WHAT KIND OF CONVERSATION IS THAT TO HAVE WITH A TEN YEAR OLD, WHOSE WHOLE LIFE YOU'VE JUST TURNED UPSIDE DOWN????

Now just hearing his voice, or seeing his face on skype has me running for cover.

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