Judge Not Lest...

This morning I had to check my bank statements and discovered that my son's WOW (World of Warcraft) account was still active, i.e. the monthly fee had automatically been taken from my VISA. I was steaming (he was still asleep) -- upset that he'd promised to stop after the one month, and devote more time to his schoolwork, upset that I'd been duped (no need to again go into why I'm sensitive on that score....), upset that he was back on that thing, and addicted to it.

Since it wasn't time for him to get up yet, I figured it would be good to start morning's devotions. I'd started Matthew and was halfway through the Beatitudes. Today, Matthew 7, verse 1, jumps off the page: Judge not lest you be judged...

OK, still fuming, I try to figure out what that's supposed to mean to a mother who has to take some kind of leadership role.

When he got up, I had on my not amused at all face, and said we need to talk. I have checked my VISA statement continues I, grimly. Yeah? says he, looking a little wide eyed. Your game is on it....

Turns out they automatically take it off, he didn't cancel til the day after. (Either that or he's one helluva good con artist, but he's not old enough or jaded enough to be able to pull that off.)

Loosely translated, judge not for today's lesson is "jump not to conclusions."

Lying is a Virtue Now?

OK, call me old-fashioned but since when has lying been considered a virtue, or a necessary and healthy milestone in a child's development?

This morning in the Star, Minay Venon's column discusses a new study from U of T that says lying could very well be a sign of future success. We all hate it when politicians lie, and when lawyers lie, and when anyone else lies -- so why would we find a way to rationalize children lying?

There are tons of ways to be creative, without having the short ones lie their way to success. Next we'll hear that little girls should learn how to sleep their way to the top.

the impossibility of prayer

Last night at Alpha, week four, the subject was prayer, and Nikki Gumbel spoke about the hows, whys, and whens of prayer and then finished up with an impossible story of one man's refusal to give up in his prayers. Long story short: British actor, whose wife left him after three years, became a Christian. She would have nothing to do with him, was living with another man, and so he began to pray for her to know Christ, not for the marriage. As she was pressing toward divorce, he sent her and her new man two tickets to see Billy Graham. She sent the tickets back. Billy Graham stayed an extra day, unexpectedly, and the ex-husband sent two more tickets. The live-in bf couldn't go, so long and short they went together. At the end when Graham asked people to come down and be counted among Christ's own, she ran down the stairs. Her soon to be ex-husband (the decree nicae had already gone out) had never stopped praying for her. They are now living as a married couple again.

It's my prayer for my husband -- I doubt our marriage could ever be salvaged out of the mess he made with his serial affairs and various other sexual activities, but I was reminded that we are to pray ever.

I was also reminded of how faithful our God is. For the last little while, I've been quite preoccupied with my son's distance and sometimes aggressive behaviour. He's been swearing more, and lashing out at his sister. Because of the family situation, I have been loathe to press him too much because I know I can be a little overwhelming on that score -- kind of like picking pimples til there's no skin left. Over the weekend I was reading through John's gospel, around chapters 15-17 and was struck by Jesus prayer to His Father over the spiritual provision for his disciples that not a man of them was to be lost. He prays for their souls. he prays -- and pays -- for our souls. We are given the promise that what we ask we will be given, as long as it is right minded. I have prayed lately for some assurance from God that all is and shall be well with my son's soul and faith journey. The night before last when he was particularly beastly with his sister, I started to talk with him, and he really unloaded. He's lonely, this separation has left him unsettled, his sister's behaviour is worse because she's trying to get his attention more now, and he's sad over his gf dropping him, and he's not sure where he's going after high school, and whether he has what it takes to get into medicine, although he's now not sure he even wants to do that. But we also talked about faith, and I was given the assurance I'd prayed for that he is exploring it more, that his heart is for God.

Praise God! And thanks for his answers to prayer.

Marriage is not a Mirror Image

I was talking to a gay man I know, and told him about my marriage breakdown. He asked if I was lonely, and I said no -- more angry, hurt, betrayed and feeling blamed for something that was way out of my control.

He asked if I didn't think monogamy was impossible, and that we were not meant to have the same mate for ever. I said that I thought marriage is where you meet yourself (for better or worse). He asked if that meant mirror image, and I said actually the opposite -- it's where you meet the Other, and in that other ness you are able to see yourself, flaws, strengths, everything, if you're aware of or open to seeing that.

Mirror images are essentially narcissistic because you're hoping to see a positive reflection of yourself. One reason, I guess why my husband consistently falls in love with his ethnic mirror image, hoping to find himself. Ironically when he was younger, he fled that cultural mirror image, rejecting it. The wrestling, as I explained to my friend, was in the complement, to see where and how you can fit -- not as in hand and glove but as in wrestling with another, fully individual person with separate desires, will, goals, and so on. Teenagers mature when they have to cut their teeth against someone they disagree with, although that someone also needs to be in loving relationship with them. Otherwise, they walk away. When you rub up against someone not entirely like yourself, but someone who also has the will (in spite of that lack) to see it through to the end with you, you work out your own personality, see where you are succeeding, failing, where you are strong and weak, where you are culpable and not.

Barring abuse of any kind, marriage breakdown is a failure of will. It is easier to find something new and potentially more exciting. It requires strength to face our own weaknesses and failures because it takes guts to be accountable and take responsibility for things we may have done to hurt. No mirror image can erase the fact that behind that mirror lies an other human being, complete with their own will, which inevitably will depart from your path at some point. What makes marriages last is the willingness to banish fear of being alone, and to wait patiently until those two paths converge again.

My Little Valentine(s)

My big lug of a 16 year old boy, and his more diminutive girlfriend, had decided to bake something on Saturday night and then make dinner for me for Valentine's day. When he told me this -- because his gf is grounded right now and they won't be able to after all -- I hugged him. (Of course, he could still do it.)

But how sweet the thought for his broken down old maw....

Gotta love them kids.

Life imitates artifice

It's amazing how often life imitates art(ifice). I was thinking about the ridiculous conversation between an American man and his American mistress while we were all having dinner in a tiny restaurant in Paris's 6th.

How much it reminded me of the months-later email conversation between my husband and his mistress, with her psychologizing about what a narcissist I am, how I do not realize what a Great Man he is, and -- worse -- how I have stood in the way of his accomplishing Great Works and his Destiny (which only her embrace can change for the better).

The couple in the bar were hysterically funny, particularly to me and my ten year old daughter, and even to 16 year old son. We couldn't believe how ridiculous they sounded, swilling back wine, she drunkenly defending their relationship, and earnestly psycho-analyzing the predicament of wife clinging to errant husband (judging by my own feelings, I suspect NOT), and he trying to keep his head above water, because her line of reasoning was so confusing.

Of course at the time I knew nothing of dear-husband's affairs of the heart. But looking back, it makes me wonder if these philanderers realize how predictable and silly they sound, so that even a ten year old girl snickers?

easy, healthy soup

I'm known in my family for my salads and soups. In fact, I could live on the two food groups if my kids weren't constantly wrangling for meat, french fries, and cookies.

Here's a very simple soup I made last week for friends:
Three or four whole carrots, peeled and cut in half
one potato, peeled
two parsnips, peeled
thinly sliced onions
tbsp or two of flour
some leftover wine
a packet of chicken or veg boullion

saute onions in a little olive oil, and when transparent add the flour, to thicken. when mixed, add some wine and stir til a thick paste. Then fill the pot three quarters with water, add vegetables, and simmer for 45 minutes or so, until the veg are soft.

Allow to cool, remove veg (reserve liquid in pot), puree in blender, then return veg to pot. Add chicken boullion. before serving, add some heavy cream (or evaporated milk) and you can also add a dash of nutmeg or cinnamon.

So easy.